- Thank You For Being Here
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- The tiniest shifts keeping my brain happy
Hi! Thank You For Being Here is a collection of reflective notes on courage, comfort, and the books, films, and music that keep us company. If today’s letter gets clipped in your inbox, click “view entire message” or read it online.
I don’t remember the last time I was stuck in a sudden downpour. And I’m usually miserable in them. But there I was, smiling.
My husband and I were about three miles into a walk at Memorial Park in Houston, chatting and admiring the lush greenery, when dark clouds gathered and the temperature dropped a few degrees. We still had a while before reaching the lot where we parked.
“Maybe we’ll get lucky,” I said, trying to will the weather to do us a solid.
But raindrops the size of blueberries splashed onto our faces. Even with the sudden cool-down, the air was still thick and hot — the kind of heat that makes summer rain feel like a warm outdoor shower. We paused under a big leafy tree, where I wiped my wet phone screen to check Google Maps to see how much farther we had to go.
“0.7 miles, or 15 minutes,” I announced, trying to appear nonchalant as if to reassure myself that the rain wasn’t a big deal — just a part of today’s adventure.
Vadym and I considered jogging the rest of the way. But running was impossible when I could barely keep my eyes open with fat droplets of rainwater and the sting of sunscreen dripping into them.
After a few minutes of brisk walking (and me squinting my eyes), the rain started coming down faster. But it didn’t faze Vadym as he paused on the path again. He pulled me close, kissed me, then took my hand so I could shut my eyes while he led me through the elements.
“How romantic,” I said with a smile — something I’d normally never say about being stuck in a torrential downpour. Kissing in the rain has only ever looked romantic in movies. But this time, I could enjoy the moment — really enjoy it — without my anxiety ruining it.
You see, anyone who has had to spend a ton of time and effort on washing, conditioning, detangling, and styling their hair (hello, my fellow kinky, curly, coily-haired girls), you’ll understand how frustrating it is when the hard work is ruined.
But my hair — washed and styled the day before — was in mini twists. So, even though they were absolutely soaked, it didn’t matter. The style would dry and still look the same as before, unlike what would have happened if my fro was out. The twists gave me the freedom to just be a girl being kissed in the rain by the love of her life during a walk in nature.
That walk reminded me how different life feels when we let ourselves lean into the moment instead of bracing against it. One tiny shift — with my hair, my outlook — turned something I used to dread into a sweet, joyful memory.
💌 In this issue, I’m sharing things I’ve done to improve my mental health after being down bad in June and July. Plus, some book, film, and TV recs.
Take care,
Jenay
Before we continue, I have a little milestone to celebrate: TYFBH has reached 800 readers! Shout out to Kathrina of ON THE HOU(S)E and the 50 of you who discovered my newsletter through them — I’m so glad you’re here.
And to those of you who have been reading this newsletter for months or years — thank you for sticking around. Of course, this publication isn’t about the numbers, but growth for TYFBH has been stagnant for at least a year, so this boost in readership is encouraging me to keep writing and experimenting. Y’all are awesome.
Shifts that have been great for my mental health
This year has chewed up and spit out so many of us, a few times. But we persist! Here are some of the simple actions I’ve taken to keep me from spiraling each week.
✂️ Chopping off my hair
Before taking down my vacation braids, I dreaded saying goodbye to a style that felt effortlessly pretty. Returning to a more time-consuming care routine was a downer. Then, seeing how long my hair had grown, I felt weighed down and hidden, so I grabbed my shears and cut about two inches off. It’s amazing what a simple cut can do for your face and self-esteem. I’m also styling them in twists, and I’m really pleased that my hair is almost completely back to my natural color, a goal that’s taken about two years to achieve.
💪 Making my workouts more challenging
Three years ago, when we moved to Texas and into a complex with a gym, I promised myself I’d become a person who prioritizes my health and fitness. I’m really proud that I’ve stayed committed, but I hit a plateau in the gym, probably because I’d gotten too comfortable. So I met with my trainer (aka Vadym) to make a plan to up the intensity of my workouts. In just two weeks, I’ve increased the weight I’m lifting and run more miles. Accomplishing hard things in the gym makes me feel like I can take on the rest of the day, and growing my muscles is pretty sweet too.
💫 Playing casual dress up while WFH
Since I spend most of my time at home, I sometimes fall into a slump of not having fun with my style or wearing makeup, which was likely a reflection of how down I’ve felt this year. Lately, I’ve been putting in a little more effort: a few minutes applying makeup, shopping my closet for a cute, comfy fit, and adding a fun pair of earrings. It’s giving Victoria Monet, “I look fly, I look good,” energy, even if I’m just sitting in front of my computer by myself.
💻 Working shorter days
I’ve been experimenting with hyper-focused work days that are four to six hours, of course, with a lunch break. Since Vadym has a flexible summer lab schedule, we’ve been going to bed and sleeping in later, which has naturally shifted our mornings. By the time we’re done with our AM routine, I’m usually not at my desk until 10 am–12 pm. Instead of feeling behind because of a later start, I’m embracing it. Testing nontraditional hours is helping me design my schedule around focus, energy, and life, which I want to take advantage of while I have the privilege. As scary as my recent slow season of client work has been, it’s given me space to reevaluate my business and plot my next moves. And new clients are starting to book!
🔎 Not looking at job listings every single day
I’m still keeping an eye out for full-time roles, but the job market is in shambles. Thousands of people are competing for the same positions, and some listings read like four jobs rolled into one. I rarely find roles I’m genuinely interested in, but when I do, I like to customize my resume and cover letter to both please the ATS systems and stand out in the digital sea of applications. The problem is, scanning listings and preparing applications can quickly become time-consuming, stressful, and demoralizing. So I take breaks to avoid burnout, even if part of me worries I’m “not doing enough.” Stepping back is necessary. Burning out, getting sick, or sinking into depression would only make the search harder.
🛋️ Reserving one day a week for Couch Day
A dedicated stretch of time for doing whatever the hell you want, as long as it can be done from your couch, bed, or favorite lounging spot. For me, that means catching up on Substacks, reading, crocheting, watching TV shows or movies, and eating something delicious. I’ll throw in a low-lift chore like laundry so I can fold while my show is on. It’s my weekly reset and reward before launching into another busy week.
📖 Taking a break from learning Spanish
When Vadym and I returned from Spain, we started taking our language learning more seriously. But after a few weeks, it became clear I was overwhelmed. We were flying through our workbook, and with everything else on my mind, I couldn’t retain all the new words and grammar. I felt shitty about it. So we switched gears to focus on vocabulary from the first few chapters with homemade flashcards. Unintentionally, that turned into a break from our nightly lessons. We’ll start again soon, but I really needed that pause.
Pause, take a deep breath, and sort through your thoughts — whether that’s in a journal, a voice memo, or with someone who’s a good listener.
What consistently leaves you feeling anxious, drained, or off balance?
Is there something you keep doing just because “you always do it” that might feel better if you paused or approached it differently?
Could adding a tiny act of self-care or play shift your energy or mindset?
What’s one small change you can commit to trying next week, just to see how it feels?
📚️ Books
Throne of Glass series by Sarah J. Maas
I started reading TOG in February 2024, and a year and a half later, I’ve finally finished the eight-book high fantasy series! The last book, Kingdom of Ash, was nearly 1,000 pages, and I loved every bit of it. Honestly, I don’t have many coherent thoughts yet; I’m still letting it all sink in. TOG is officially the longest series I’ve ever read, and I can confidently say other readers were right: it’s even better than ACOTAR (and I loved that series). Tip: read it in publication order, which puts The Assassin’s Blade 3rd.
Read if…you want to get swept away into an epic adventure with strong heroines, political intrigue, secrets, moral ambiguity, unexpected bonds, and a hope for building a better world. There are many distinct characters — humans, fae, witches, healers, and other magic wielders — to root for and demons to root against. Some folks have told me the series was hard for them to get into, but put faith in SJM’s character development and world-building process, it’s worth it!
🎥 Film
KPop Demon Hunters
When they aren't selling out stadiums, KPop superstars Rumi, Mira, and Zoey use their secret identities as badass demon hunters to protect their fans from an ever-present supernatural threat. Together, they must face their biggest enemy yet – an irresistible rival boy band of demons in disguise.
Watch if…you enjoy bold animation, catchy af songs, and stories about overcoming shame and the power of being yourself. As cringy as this could have been, it was executed very well (the cultural aspects were great!) and a lot of fun to watch. I’m rarely in the mood to re-watch shows or films, but as soon as I finished this one, I could have started it again. It’s a comfort movie.
Superman
When Superman gets drawn into conflicts at home and abroad, his actions are questioned, giving tech billionaire Lex Luthor the opportunity to get the Man of Steel out of the way for good. Will intrepid reporter Lois Lane and Superman's four-legged companion, Krypto, be able to help him before it's too late?
Watch if…you’re feeling crestfallen about the state of the world and need a hopeful, empathetic story where villain billionaires and cruel, power-hungry government officials are held accountable and good journalism matters. The cast was A+, but the actor who played Mr. Terrific often stole the scenes. He lived up to his name.
📺️ TV
King of the Hill (the revival)
After years working a propane job in Saudi Arabia to earn their retirement nest egg, Hank and Peggy Hill return to a changed Arlen, Texas to reconnect with old friends Dale, Boomhauer, and Bill. Meanwhile, Bobby is living his dream as a chef in Dallas and enjoying his 20s with his former classmates Connie, Joseph, and Chane.
Watch if…you love wholesome family sitcoms or shows set in Texas. I never thought this animated show would be one I’d like, but I misjudged it. Bobby Hill is my favorite character — he’s a delight and a legend. We started with the original show, but skipped ahead to the newly released 14th revival season (the show had been off the air for 15 years) because we were so excited. They nailed it!
These band docu-series and competitions
I recently had a music-themed watchlist phase. It started with binging Building the Band (basically Love is Blind for performers) on a whim. Then, I watched Pop Star Academy: KATSEYE, a docu-series about twenty aspiring pop stars in a two-year K-pop training program for the creation of HYBE x Geffen’s first global girl group. I also tuned into Hitmakers, which is about successful songwriters and music producers (ones who have worked with artists like Beyonce, BTS, Justin Bieber, and Ariana Grande) at high-stakes writing camps for John Legend, Shaboozy, Usher, and LISA of Blackpink.
Watch if…you’re curious about the music-making process, fascinated by artists’ creative journeys, and open to a sprinkle of light drama.
Links to essays that got me thinking + my recent bylines*
Is “catch-up” culture the reason you feel lonely?
A practical and heartfelt guide to the art of gift-giving
How to overcome jet lag to enjoy your first day abroad*
Why does a day in the sun make you tired?*
How to sleep better before your period*
🌽 eating Mexican street corn-flavored Cheetos
📚 getting off the months-long waitlist for a library book hold
🥳 roadtripping to celebrate friends
🎤 cheering for people at emo night karaoke
🌸 buying new sheets to brighten up the bedroom
🍅 making homemade Cava bowls and pita chips
⭐ listening to your intuition
Thank you for reading TYFBH
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