All you have to do is be you

Issue #26

Author

Jenay Zhyrov
May 05, 2023

Hey! Hello. What’s good?

The month of May concludes and kicks off another trip around the sun for me. I turn 31 in a couple of weeks, and when I reflect on the first year of my thirties, I feel grateful for all the ways I’ve stretched and settled.

Almost a year ago, I turned 30 while on honeymoon with Vadym, and I cried while driving to our last hang on Waikiki Beach. I wrote about it here. It’s wild to read that opening letter from 2022 because March and April of this year were tough for us again. Do those months happen during a chaotic retrograde? Because what the hell?

When I cried in Hawaii last May, it wasn’t because of my age. I was scared to return to my stressful job. I never want to feel like that again. What do people say? Create a life you don’t need a vacation from. I love a vacation, but I also like the sound of that. I’ve been yearning to recreate the slower pace, laid-back vibes of Hawaii here in my daily life.

Nothing beats lounging on a tropical beach with a smoothie and a book. Still, since moving to Texas, I’ve taken the initiative to reimagine and redesign my life as a woman, wife, daughter, friend, and self-employed writer. Most days, I feel much happier thanks to my choices. No doubt, I am still a sensitive work-in-progress, which is OK!

A couple of days ago, I spent too much time on social media in an effort to be inspired by the creative work of others, which inevitably tripped me into a terrible comparison spiral. I sat with Vadym on our living room floor, trying to understand how I was feeling and why.

It came down to this: I want to write and create cool shit that’s unique and sometimes artsy while also making money, but I feel blocked. Vadym looked at me like it was a no-brainer and said, “All you have to do is be you.”

I know this in theory, but like I mentioned last month, I’m struggling to feel like an individual in an overstimulating society. Vadym’s comment was a necessary reminder, though. One solution is probably to stop caring so much about what and how other people are doing things.

Yesterday while I was reading Rise: A Pop History of Asian America from the Nineties to Now, this quote became something I think I’ll go back to again and again.

“There’re so many more options on the menu when you don’t have to carry the mantle of being anything but yourself.”

SuChin Pak, podcaster and former MTV News correspondent

Thanks for this birthday gift, SuChin.

Thank you for being here,
Jenay

New songs have been added to the Thank You For Being Here playlist. It’s now five hours long. Not a Spotify user? Here are links to the music videos:

Fans of Lofi Girl playlists: did you catch the reveal of Synth Boy? I was tickled by the rollout of Lofi Girl lore and the evolution of this relaxing music universe. Listen to the new live stream or playlist.

Do Not Disturb
Until recently, I only put my phone on DND in movie theaters. But now, I use the feature to help me focus and be more present. Only calls from my "favorites" list (5 people) are allowed. Sometimes delay isn’t a bad thing.

I’m officially a library card holder! Until last month, I hadn’t checked out a library book since I was a student. It was such a fun experience to explore my local branch (it was serene) and walk out with free reading material.

In April, I finished four books, putting me at 34% and 17 books into my annual goal of 50.

  • Dominicana by Angie Cruz, 4.25 stars: The protagonist, Ana, sacrifices a lot by marrying a much older Dominican man to move to America. The novel starts with her playing along as a “dead fly” while experiencing isolation, abuse, and everything that comes with being an immigrant who doesn’t speak English. I wanted to punch people in this book. I wanted to tell Ana to run. She had so many tough choices to make for the sake of her family. Although fitting for the 1960s, my only complaint is about the harsh, racist comments about Black people (from Ana’s husband). It felt problematic because I had to assume (and hope) Ana thought his beliefs were wrong.

  • This Close to Okay by Leesa Cross-Smith, 3 stars: The story starts with two strangers meeting on a bridge. One is contemplating jumping, and the other is a therapist (but she doesn’t tell him). They end up spending a weekend together (I was on edge when she took him to her home) and confronting their traumas. It does show the power of human connection, but it left me with mixed, unsettled feelings.

  • Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman, 4.25 stars: I contemplated buying this book from a bookstore several times but never chose it until I checked it out at the library. Now I plan to purchase a copy. It’s a memoir that explores the ups and downs of Aminatou and Ann’s 10-year friendship (they are the co-hosts of the Call Your Girlfriend podcast) and how to sustain long-term friendships. It’s mostly anecdotal, but I could take their stories and apply the lessons to my own life. It cracked open a lot of my repressed feelings.

  • There Goes the Neighborhood by Jade Adia, 4 stars: The main character was annoying for the first 100 pages, but, duh, she’s a teen girl who hasn’t figured out how to communicate her feelings. Overall, I found the characters to be lovable. This YA story, based in a fictionalized South LA neighborhood, follows life-long friends who create a fake gang to scare away gentrifiers and protect their community from evictions. This isn’t a spoiler—someone gets killed, and it turns into a whodunit plot, which kicked things up to levels of mayhem. (Gifted copy from Disney Hyperion)

📌 By purchasing via the above links, you’ll support independent bookstores, and I’ll earn a tiny commission too. Thank you!

Extra. Extra.

My most recent byline: 8 Nightstand Essentials to Support Your Routines (Avocado Magazine)

May is Asian American and Pacific Islander Month and Mental Health Awareness Month, and I’m proud that I had article pitches accepted for both. Hopefully, my stories are actually published this month.

I also wrapped up a second project for the Black-owned candle brand I mentioned last month. I wrote a bio for its website this time, and I’m buzzing with anticipation for the official launch.

Movies

The Super Mario Bros was a pure delight to watch. I loved how the movie incorporated several games' elements and leaned into their world's magic. My only beef with it is that Yoshi wasn't in it, but based on the end credits, I think he'll have a role in the next film. (Characters voiced by Chris Pratt, Anya Taylor-Joy, Jack Black, Keegan-Michael Key, Charlie Day, Seth Rogen)

Air taught me a lot about how the iconic Air Jordans came to be for Nike and was more amusing than expected. I love an underdog story and learning about how major culture-changing products and partnerships are forged. The negotiation scene with Viola Davis? Chills. (Starring: Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Jason Bateman, Chris Tucker, Viola Davis, Chris Messina)

TV Shows

Shrinking is a new favorite show in our house. I love how it addresses serious topics like grief and mental health through the lens of a slightly unhinged therapist and father who is coping with the passing of his wife and taking a different, very much unethical approach with his clients. You won’t find an accurate depiction of therapy here, but it’s good TV. The characters are phenomenal, and the writing is exceptional. (Starring: Jason Segel, Lukita Maxwell, Christa Miller, Jessica Williams, Harrison Ford, Luke Tennie, Michael Urie)

⚽ The third and final season of Ted Lasso is satisfying so far. The payoff is unfolding, and the character development is awesome to watch. I love this silly made-up team. (Starring: Jason Sudeikis, Hannah Waddingham, Brett Goldstein, Juno Temple, Phil Dunster, Toheeb Jimoh, Brendan Hunt)

👗 On the other hand, the fifth and final season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel feels disjointed and rushed. I text my friend weekly about it, and we both agreed that the writers introduced too many new things instead of focusing on tying the many loose ends the show already has. Despite that, the show is still fun to watch, and I'll miss the gorgeous costume design when it's all over. (Starring: Rachel Brosnahan, Michael Zegen, Alex Borstein, Tony Shalhoub, Marin Hinkle)

🖤 I binged the available seasons of the fantasy series Shadow and Bone and enjoyed it. I'm glad I haven't read the books yet (the show is based on three series in the same universe) so that I could enjoy it as is. I want to read the books after the TV series eventually wraps. Also, Ben Barnes is incredible at playing manipulative characters, but please, someone finally grant his wish and throw him a rom-com bone. (Starring: Jessie Mei Li, Ben Barnes, Archie Renaux, Freddy Carter, Amita Suman, Kit Young, Danielle Galligan)

YouTube

My latest videos are book-related, and a special guest joined me for one of them!

I came across this video by Wendy last night and enjoyed how she ranked Met Gala outfits by actual sewing techniques. Now I’m binging her channel.

☀️ Wearing shorts now that spring is here
🦆 Watching ducklings with their mom
🍓 Drinking Dr. Pepper Strawberries & Creme
😋 Getting any last in-stock item because it feels ~meant to be~
🏃🏽‍♀️ Being able to run a mile for the first time since high school
🕹️ Accidentally playing Diago Immortal with Vadym for 3.5 hours in bed

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